Book Review: "Know My Name" by Chanel Miller
“Know My Name” by Chanel Miller
Synopsis: She was known to the world as Emily Doe when she stunned millions with a letter. Brock Turner had been sentenced to just six months in county jail after he was found sexually assaulting her on Stanford's campus. Her victim impact statement was posted on BuzzFeed, where it instantly went viral--viewed by eleven million people within four days, it was translated globally and read on the floor of Congress; it inspired changes in California law and the recall of the judge in the case. Thousands wrote to say that she had given them the courage to share their own experiences of assault for the first time.
Now she reclaims her identity to tell her story of trauma, transcendence, and the power of words. It was the perfect case, in many ways--there were eyewitnesses, Turner ran away, physical evidence was immediately secured. But her struggles with isolation and shame during the aftermath and the trial reveal the oppression victims face in even the best-case scenarios. Her story illuminates a culture biased to protect perpetrators, indicts a criminal justice system designed to fail the most vulnerable, and, ultimately, shines with the courage required to move through suffering and live a full and beautiful life.
Know My Name will forever transform the way we think about sexual assault, challenging our beliefs about what is acceptable and speaking truth to the tumultuous reality of healing. It also introduces readers to an extraordinary writer, one whose words have already changed our world. Entwining pain, resilience, and humor, this memoir will stand as a modern classic. - Viking Books
Rating (out of 5): 5
Review: About this time last year, I spent two days protesting in front of the Supreme Court in support of Christine Blasey Ford. At the time, I wrote: “I can’t decide what’s worse: not believing her, or believing her and not caring.” I still stand by that, and reading “Know Your Name” brings those feelings into sharp focus once again.
I remember reading the “Emily Doe” letter, and I remember thinking that she was so brave, so strong, so not a victim. 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted during their lifetimes. 1 in 4, and honestly, that’s probably a low number because that only counts people that report it. I never did. It has taken me over a decade to admit publicly that I am part of that number, to really understand that there were moments I was not capable of consent that still haunt me. Memories of those encounters pop up at inopportune times, like when I’m trying to sleep or when I’m talking to strangers in public, and I know they will for the rest of my life. To this day, I have only told one person the name of the person who assaulted me, and so I am in total awe of Chanel Miller.
Reading this book was, admittedly, a gut punch. I cried (a lot), I dog-eared over 30 pages, and I did a lot of soul searching. I am so glad that I read this book, and I am even more glad that I live in an era where this book can be written. It means so much to me that she was able to reclaim her story and tell it to the world, rather than rely on media and defense lawyers and others to provide their perspective of what she went through. I watched her interview on 60 Minutes, and it broke my heart that she said she didn’t think she was deserving of being anyone’s role model after all of this. I think Chanel Miller is a role model for all of us — she’s reclaimed her voice, and she is carrying herself with such strength and grace.
Okay, let’s get to the meat of the book: Chanel Miller was a recent college graduate who made the innocuous decision to go to a party with her younger sister. She drank, she goofed around, she danced to embarrass Tiffy, and she was forcibly assaulted behind a dumpster by human trash-bucket Brock Turner. The book opens with the morning after — her waking up in the hospital, not really realizing what has happened and what it will mean. She takes us on her journey with her; from that morning, through the trial and appeal process, through her attempts to heal from this personal attack.
“Know My Name” is that — intensely personal. We are given a window into Chanel’s innermost thoughts and fears, the coping mechanisms she used to get through. She quit her job, moved across the country, fostered dogs, drank far less wine than I would have in her shoes. Her relationships suffered. She was constantly in fear. She felt like everything was on pause for the trial, and the subsequent appeal. I’m not going to say I enjoyed reading this (god, it was hard to read), but getting a glimpse at what she and her family and loved ones went through was illuminating. I particularly enjoyed the aspects of the trial and its lead up, as it shows how shitty this is for victims.
A few adjectives come to mind when I think of this book: Devastating. Immersive. Funny. Hopeful. Compelling. Blistering. Heartwrenching. Essential. One of my favorite parts of reading is being challenged, being forced to confront hard feelings, and just generally practicing empathy (note: that doesn’t mean I don’t read mindless fluff — it’s a squiggly line!), and this book definitely does that. Like a few others that I have said everyone needs to read, I would say that “Know My Name” deserves a place on that list.
Chanel Miller spends a lot of time in the book talking about she just did what she thought she was supposed to be doing — at the hospital, when testifying, when dealing with the circus that accompanied this — and that really made me think about how women are forced into that behavior all the time. Look at the comments frequently made about sexual assault survivors: she deserved it, she was drinking, she was showing her shoulders, she was walking alone.
It appears that we are living in a time of reckoning — look, there’s a #metoo movement — but we really aren’t. Look at what powerful men get away with in this country, and look at how poorly we serve those the system is supposed to be helping. The last part of the book touches on this in such a poignant way, detailing what has yet to happen; for every Larry Nassar, Brett Kavanaugh, and Harvey Weinstein in the news, there’s a million other women who are suffering in silence.
Please read this book. That’s all. It’s important, and it’s heartbreaking, and it’s beautifully hopeful.
Trigger warnings: sexual assault, asshole men, misogyny, victim shaming — all of it. Everything. Have a box of tissues on hand, just trust me here.
If you liked this, try these:
“She Said” by Jodi Kantor and Meghan Twohey (note: I haven’t read this one yet, but it’s on its way to me)
Dear Ijeawale, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions by Chinamanda Ngozi Adichie
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